The Art Of Failing Forward.
You Don't Suck. Your {X} Does!
"If that happened to me I would have stayed hidden in the woods for the rest of my days."
That was my thought.
The cool guy had just slipped and fell. Everyone was looking at him.
And I, an obese 12yo boy —shy, introverted, and virgin— thought this was the end of the world (at least his).
Yet, the 17yo cool dude was just laughing and couldn't care less about all the hot girls looking at him at the dance class.
Fast forward 5 years later, I slipped too.
But I laughed my heart out, dusted off my butt, and got up. It felt somehow weird.
Familiar. And yet a whole new achievement.
Hours later, I remembered the old same incident and realized why.
What the hell happened in 5 years?
Well, no matter how slippery the dance floor remained, a lot happened to me. Experienced nice things. Got in touch with books that mattered, art too. Took a few slaps in the gut and chin (some literal as I was boxing at the time).
Made friends. Tried new things. Learned to learn (which back then seemed pretty basic — I had no clue what meta-skill meant, or polymath).
And above all, I failed a lot... As I experimented a lot.
And put in my thick skull the timeless gold from Shakespeare's Petruchio:
PETRUCHIO.
Why came I hither but to that intent?
Think you a little din can daunt mine ears?
Have I not in my time heard lions roar?
Have I not heard the sea, puff'd up with winds,
Rage like an angry boar chafed with sweat?
Have I not heard great ordnance in the field,
And heaven's artillery thunder in the skies?
Have I not in a pitched battle heard
Loud 'larums, neighing steeds, and trumpets' clang?
And do you tell me of a woman's tongue,
That gives not half so great a blow to hear
As will a chestnut in a farmer's fire?
Tush, tush! fear boys with bugs.
GRUMIO.
[Aside] For he fears none.
—The Taming of the Shrew, play by William Shakespeare
(Translation: Do hard stuff, and the easier will look a lot easier.)
The Weird Thingies
We are conditioned in some weird controversies.
→ If you fail, it's okay since you tried. But while everyone will pamper you that this is life and shit happens...
Few will ask you what you learned from this experience.
→ If you win, everyone will congratulate you.
Few will ask what was the secret recipe you used (perhaps discovered too) to win.
→→The "good job since you tried" is poison. It makes you not try, not give more, not realize your potential.
Imagine waking up every day and doing 1 push-up and 1 squat. No other exercise.
In 1 year from now, you will be at the same — or maybe worse — fitness level.
But hey, you “tried,” so "good job," friend!
(If you find this idea intriguing, you should watch Whiplash movie ASAP.)
Are You Learning? Or Just Burning Out?
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”
—Thomas Edison
Anything we do is related to the timeless loop of Think × Do × Learn.
Assuming that our thoughts and actions are ok-ish, when we fail, we just lack learning of something.
You can interpret life as a series of projects.
Each project has problems. Each problem needs a solution. Each solution needs learning.
So if you haven't learned, you will err... which is not bad... unless you don't learn.
Then this is a waste.
Because until you learn and stop doing what you're doing wrong, you will keep doing it. Maybe in a different place. Maybe in a different way. Maybe with different people.
But the result will be the same.
This is one of the reasons why I love entrepreneurship.
It's the ultimate self-development.
It pushes you to solve some deep problems that you have — or else your business suffers (especially for solopreneurs).
But I digress.
If you want to learn more about how to see things, check this craft I made some days back.
Mind Judo 101
Back in my marketing days I helped my partners make more money while selling quality products, through my ads and copy.
A good marketing campaign addresses objections even before they arise.
Here is my mind judo for any failure-related objections I can think of right now:
1. FAILING SUCKS! AND EVERYONE WILL REMEMBER!
Well... nope. Everyone is bombarded with so much info every day, that usually no one will remember your mistake.
I have seen people failing hard, and others saluting them for risking.
Plus, the people who love you — and the people who have made it — are not bitter trolls. I have never met a successful person mocking anyone for doing the Thing.
People are usually so drawn into their own problems and lives, they won't humiliate you. Or remember you.
“— One day, someone will think about you for the last time in eternity. You will be forgotten by the world and the universe.”
— “NOT IF I EAT THE MONA LISA.”
2. I AM JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH!
Maybe you are right. Maybe you are not.
The problem is that until you experiment, you won't learn.
And if you experiment and things don't work out, the real failures are:
1. Stopping
2. Not learning and repeating
3. #1 + #2 together (the worse)
If you learn all you can from this experience and move forward, matured and better prepared it's a win.
If you just take this personally, translating it as “I'm just not good enough,” it's a problem.
Maybe it was a skill issue. Or a system issue.
You, I, and the lot are a much more complicated creation to think of as 1 thing.
No one is just a student, or an engineer, or an athlete.
You are a lot more. You just can't suck as YOU.
It's an {X} thing.
Find the {X} that's the current bottleneck.
Solve {X} to move to the next one. Repeat.
Again, if life is a series of projects, choose the project to improve your {X} that holds you back.
3. I JUST NEED MORE PREPARATION!
I agree. But you will never be 100% ready. Get the basics and start.
No textbook, hack, or gooroo's secrets will ever make you better if you don't do the thing.
Allow yourself to suck at first.
Babies suck at first at functions we now do with ease.
We do them with ease because as babies we didn't lose heart.
We are all born in high-agency state, and then we lose this.
And once we are fed up, we build again our way up.
4. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!
Figure it out on the go.
You have an almost limitless machine in your pocket (laptop works too) that connects you with people who have already figured some things out.
Or they have similar needs, questions, ideas, and problems.
You can just learn things.
You can just do things.
You can.
5. BUT FAILING COSTS!
There is a golden ratio between zero action and all-in bets.
Learn to fail cheap.
To play small bets.
Never test dark waters with both feet.
And if you fail, learn when to quit.
Casinos get richer by the minute because of the sunk cost fallacy:
So many gamblers risk more... to just get back what they lost... on repeat.
Sunk Cost Fallacy (definition):
You've already spent time/money/energy… so you keep going.
But that investment is gone. You don't have to go deeper in the rabbit hole.
An Err-Correct Process
If you:
- Win → Understand why
- Lose → Understand why
Not all times you will be lucky.
Not all times you will be unlucky.
But all times, having systems that work increases your chances to win.
So find what works... and do it.
You can learn from everything and everyone.
In fact, the ability to do so is what can help you win.
Your 'Err Flywheel'
We don't know we do sth wrong.
↳ We know but we can't help it.
↳ We know how to but have to do it.
↳ We intentionally do it ok-ish
↳ We intentionally do it right.
↳ We do it right automatically.
(Optional and unfortunately pretty common) We get bored and do something silly that even a rookie wouldn't do.
So…
→ Put in the reps.
→ Study the masters of the field.
→ Play and have fun.
→ Find friends that challenge you to be better.
→ Embrace failure, learning, and non-perfect things (as most in nature).
→ Remember that you don't suck. Your {X} sucks right now, and that's an opportunity to improve. Find what {X} is and fix it.
→ Lastly, think McDonald's burgers. Even an ok idea/product/project that you execute great is a winner. Everyone makes burgers better than McDonald's — few are billionaires.
Some Math For You
Hedonism: Any short-term pleasure you prioritize over long-term purpose
Discipline: The internal structure that resists distractions and shiny objects
Ego: The loud little voice whispering lies to your subconscious
Excuses: Well-articulated BS to avoid effort, change, or ownership
Delay: Procrastination and hesitation that let opportunities expire
Entropy: The natural decay of order, clarity, and momentum over time
Agency: Your power to shape life despite chaos, bad luck, injustice, entropy (more on that here)
That's it for now. Now go!
Lifeward,
George
PS
"You can only fight the way you practice." —Miyamoto Musashi
On this link I'll upload some fine things soon. Stay tuned.
PPS
If you want to use time blocks, try my free ugly timer.
It works.